


The World Begins in a Flower Shop

by jupiterdrown



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arguing, Badass Mikasa Ackerman, Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Trauma, Comfort/Angst, Crack, Crack and Angst, Dark Past, Dominant Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Dorks in Love, Drama & Romance, Drinking & Talking, Enemies, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Female Hange Zoë, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Frustration, Getting to Know Each Other, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Heavy Angst, Hostile, Humor, Idiots in Love, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Swears, Love, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, Mental Health Issues, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Not Related, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Third Person, Pining Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Possessive Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Post-Canon, Post-Time Skip, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Protective Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Protective Mikasa Ackerman, Psychological Trauma, Romance, Sexual Tension, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Some Humor, Trauma, True Love, Tsunderes, War, there will be warnings when a chapter has smut in it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:34:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27612151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jupiterdrown/pseuds/jupiterdrown
Summary: After the war is won, Mikasa and Levi find themselves working together in a flower shop. Naturally, chaos ensues.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Levi
Comments: 38
Kudos: 162





	1. Prologue

The war is won, and yet Mikasa feels nothing.

Victory—something the woman has strived for her ever since she lost everything—is a big, fat, ugly  _ burden. _ It doesn’t feel free, either. Mikasa still wakes up in the middle of the night to the smallest of noises—her eyes instantly searching for Sasha’s, making sure her roommate is just as alert. She is still confined by the terror she once lived every day in—things like that don’t just magically disappear overnight. They suffocate you for ages instead.

When she wakes, Mikasa's eyes don’t find any trace of Sasha anymore. All they can see is the night sky out of the single window in her bedroom, which is a part of the quaint house she lives in. It resides by the inner streets of Wall Maria—which has miraculously recovered from the damage war brought upon it. 

It only seemed natural to go back to her hometown. Where else would she go? Eren and Historia are raising their child in the grand castle, much to Mikasa’s chagrin. Relentlessly, the raven-haired woman devoted herself to that man because of the feelings she had for him. Like some love-sick fool.  _ Tch. _

Mikasa sets the bouquet of roses—Sasha’s favorite—on her grave. For some reason, Sasha would always go on and on about how much she loved flowers. There weren’t nearly as many in the capital versus Dauper—the village Sasha grew up in. Mikasa would be forced to listen to Sasha’s rambling about the most obscure flowers. Now, she would gladly listen. She would let the younger girl speak endlessly, and Mikasa would pay attention to every word that was uttered.

But it is impossible for the dead to speak.

The war is won, and Mikasa is unfortunately alive. 

She is left to deal with the aftermath, with the consequences. She is left to deal with the guilt and the shame and the denial. It is so,  _ so  _ unfair. Mikasa, like always, is left to pick up the pieces.

Soon, she’ll start working at a flower shop, hoping to make something of herself—something  _ else  _ besides a fighter and a member of the Scout Regiment. And so will Levi, Mikasa's former captain. Much to his dismay, Mikasa will start to consider him as an equal. Needless to say, things don’t go smoothly, but  _ nothing  _ ever goes smoothly for the two of them.


	2. A Warm Reunion

Mikasa wakes with a scream. Black eyes, blown out with fear, frantically search their surroundings. It takes about thirty seconds for her to realize that she is not in grave danger—she is just waking up from a nightmare. Slowly, the swift pace of her heart dies down. She breathes in, counts to ten, and then exhales. Even if her body has calmed down, her mind is still on edge, readying itself for a sudden attack at any moment. 

Carefully, Mikasa slides the covers off, planting her bare feet on the wooden floor. It creaks loudly, startling the woman. She gasps, once again overtaken by fear. Immediately, she recoils. For a few minutes, she is frozen—sitting on her bed, knees hugged to her chest, her face buried in her arms. Finally, she sets her feet down again, fully expecting the creak. The black-haired woman trudges out of her bedroom, choosing to ignore the mess it is in. Worn clothes are scattered across the floor, along with other things of a wide variety. A notebook, a box of tissues, and an old bag are among them. 

Finally, Mikasa is in the kitchen, which, expectedly, is a mess. She forces down a piece of bread, her appetite nonexistent as per usual. She is aware that eating is necessary, even if it is incredibly bothersome.

After getting dressed, the woman leaves her newly-purchased house, locks the door, and walks to the flower shop in the heart of Shiganshina. It is an objectively lovely day—the sky is blue and cloudless, a light breeze travels through the air, and the sun provides just the right amount of warmth. Children run around with their parents in tow, various folks promote their small businesses through eye-catching advertisements or shouting the items they sell. 

A little boy clumsily runs into Mikasa and falls to the ground from the impact. She is tall and hardened with muscle. The poor child practically ricocheted off her hip.

The moment he looks up, his apologetic gaze turns into a look filled with wonder. “Are you...Mikasa Ackerman?” He croaks, starstruck. 

She nods, her expression dull. Having been an elite member of the Scout Regiment, Mikasa is recognized everywhere she goes. Children often look at her with amazement, and adults cater to her every need. It is...unpleasant.

“You were a part of the Scout Regiment, right? That’s so cool!” He chimes passionately. Mikasa offers the child a faux smile and then continues walking, feeling incredibly ill. The boy is just like Eren when he was younger. It’s sickening—how wrong Eren was and how wrong the boy is.

It’s not the first time Mikasa has been called “cool” for serving in the Scout Regiment, but she relentlessly hopes it will be the last. No one seems to understand the sins she has committed, sins that cannot be atoned for. The people she killed, the lies she told, nothing about that is _cool._ In fact, it is surprisingly unfulfilling—what is left _after it ends?_ What happens to the crimes you’ve committed? The friends you’ve lost? The lives you’ve stolen? 

All there’s left to do is long for the people she has lost along the way, the lack of their presence stubbornly apparent.

It seems as if, no matter how hard she tries, Mikasa will never grow accustomed to losing someone. And she’s lost more people than she can count.

-

It’s called “Lorane’s Flowers”, Mikasa recounts. She looks around intently, maneuvering herself through thick crowds and the occasional running child. Finally, at the center of the street, she sees the familiar wooden sign with its name carved into it. The shop itself is sizable, with lovely brick walls as the exterior. Small balconies filled with various flowers hang from the windows, giving the place homelike charm. She cannot help but think about how much Sasha would love this place. _There is no greater pain,_ Mikasa thinks, _than missing someone who will never come back._

Finally, the woman opens the wooden door, mind set on finding Isaac—the owner. Instead, her eyes are met with someone so unexpected that she nearly faints. Unfortunately, she does _not_ pass out, which means she must continue to deal with...this. With _him._ She gapes at _Captain fucking Levi_ with a bug-eyed stare, very much unlike the woman’s usual emotionless face. _This cannot be real,_ she thinks. It is painfully real.

Due to his keen ears, Mikasa’s quiet gasp is able to be heard by the damn bastard. When Levi looks her way, he is met with shock so great that his mouth falls open like some nutcracker. It contrasts horribly with his usual monotonous expression.

“What are you doing here?” Levi croaks after a few moments of deafening silence. 

“I could say the same to you.” Mikasa bites back, hostile out of instinct. She spoke informally. It takes no time for Levi’s temper to rise, his shocked expression now stern. 

“Why’d you drop the honorifics. Ackerman?” He snarls, trying to pretend that it did not hurt his pride. The younger woman scoffs, as if he should’ve known.

“You are no longer my captain, I am no longer your subordinate, the Scout Regiment is disbanded, are those reasons good enough?” Her black eyes glare at him with a ferocity reserved only for hostile moments with the ex-captain. _Tch,_ the man thinks, _I guess I can see why no one else challenges her. That is one menacing gaze._

He changes the subject.

“Why are you here?”

“Isaac said that I could start working today. Where is he?” _Huh?_

Oh.

_NO!_

That is the only word Levi is capable of thinking for some time. His expression is once again stupefied. She is...going to work here? What are the _fucking_ odds? _Hm?_ Why does he never get a damn break? And why does it have to be _her?_

Levi will simply _not allow it._

“Find another job.” His voice is stern and final. In spite of his riveting tone, for the first time in a long time, his demands are meaningless.

“Have you already forgotten that we’re equals now? I will no longer do what you command of me. Now, where is Isaac?” 

Levi is strangely and uncharacteristically livid. The next words he speaks are laced with fury.

“Tch. _‘No longer’_ ? You never listened to me from the start, you insufferable brat. Now _leave_ , before I make you.”

“You cannot _make_ me do anything, you petite little bastard. And, for the last _fucking_ time, where the _hell_ is Isaac?!”

Levi is just about to retaliate with the most foul-mouthed reply, but suddenly the door behind the counter swings open. Isaac stands there, in the middle of the doorway, with a kind smile plastered on his wrinkled face. 

“ _So!_ You two have already met, I’m guessing?” The old man chirps. Rendered speechless, Levi simply lets out the most exasperated sigh and storms away. 

“Yeah, walk away you little bitch.” Mikasa whispers, knowing that Levi’s hearing is good enough to pick up her words. He freezes and pivots furiously, facing the _audacious little fucker_ with the most murderous eyes a man can muster. 

“Well, I guess you two aren’t the _best_ of friends,” Isaac begins, “but you’re going to work together from now on, so...bury the hatchet, huh?”

Needless to say, Mikasa’s first day at her new job isn’t going too well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyy!!!!! hope you will all enjoy this rivamika fic i'll be working on for god knows how long!!! please do comment and let me know you think!! hope u all have a wonderful day/night, wherever u are<33  
> p.s. sorry this chapter is so short!! not all of them will be like this!!


	3. A Shocking Revalation

“Oi, Ackerman.”

Levi’s tone, like always, is gruff and commanding. For a moment, Mikasa is reminded of his stern orders from when she was still a member of the Scout Regiment. 

“What?” Her reply is just as rude and snappy as she intends it to be. Levi is faced away from his ex-subordinate, struggling immensely. Of course, no one else besides him knows this, like usual. Showing any signs of weakness has never been an option for the man. Simply speaking, if he displayed any sliver of vulnerability in the past, then everything would fall apart. Having always been the leader of something or someone, Levi is used to lying about being okay—it is just all he knows.

“Aren’t you bored of being such a jackass? Use honorifics with me, Ackerman.” He commands.

Mikasa scoffs.

“You call me a jackass...and yet you want me to respect you? Oh,  _ shut up. _ ”

Smooth talking is not exactly Levi’s forte. Her response is proof of that.. Truth be told, they’re out in the backyard of the flower shop, the sun is shining hotly, and the man is in a crisis.

He cannot reach the top shelf, where a large sack of soil lay. Levi  _ needs _ Mikasa to do it, but he cannot ask her for help without losing his dignity. It’s quite the conundrum, and Mikasa still has  _ no idea  _ what he wants from her.

“Come over here.” His voice carries weight, whether the taller woman wants to admit it or not. No matter how embarrassing Mikasa deems it to be, Levi  _ was  _ once her superior, and she respected him. Hell, she still does, but the woman would never let him have the satisfaction of knowing that.

“I’m busy, give me a second.” She really isn’t all that busy, to be honest. 

Yes, there was once a time where she would listen to Levi no matter what—as painful as it was. But now, they are both stripped of their previous titles, whether they like it or not. Unmistakably, they are on equal ground.

It’s a confusing experience, for sure. When you’ve spent most of your life fighting for  _ something,  _ avenging  _ someone,  _ it’s almost as if there’s nothing left after you succeed. And neither Levi or Mikasa really expected to witness their own victory—they expected to die for it. 

Begrudgingly, life clings to them. Like some parasite. It almost seems useless—living after their lives' purposes have already been fulfilled. What is the point of waking up when they’ve won the war? All that is left are memories. The things that they endlessly long for are too far gone; never to return.

_ Why must they go on?  _

Life is relentless and far too clingy.

“Hurry up,” Levi orders, meeting Mikasa’s menacing gaze, “...please.” She cannot help but smirk, prideful.

Finally, the woman is at Levi’s side, willing to assist him in a simple task—nothing more than that, though. If it requires effort, she will not let just one reluctant “please” pay the price. 

“I need you to get that sack of soil.” He points up to the top shelf, where the sack lay. At first, Mikasa is disappointed—that is all?

And then,  _ oh,  _ it hits her like some bullet train— _ he’s too short to reach the top shelf.  _ HA.

The pridefully tall woman snorts, then scoffs, and finally laughs. Ceaselessly. She can’t help it, Levi is just so fucking  _ childlike _ . Even when he looks at her with the most imperil expression, he is not intimidating to Mikasa. It’s ironic—he looks more like a brat than she ever has. No, the man is not to be feared. Not anymore.

“For fucks sake, Ackerman,” Levi begins—clumsily failing to notice Isaac’s entry, “you’re incessant and a dumbass.” 

Mikasa is well aware of Isaac lurking in the corner, right by the door that leads inside the shop. The old shop owner is masked by the shade. The woman picks up on Isaac’s clever hiding place, and she notes he is much sharper than he seems. 

The younger pair are in the blistering sun. Levi’s back is to Isaac, which means the opposite for Mikasa. Aware of this, she decides to put the advantage she has to use.

“You talk a lotta shit for a man who needs my help right now,” The woman begins, intentionally summarizing the situation, “and you talk a lotta shit for a man who demands honorifics.”

Before Levi can even open his mouth, Isaac makes his presence known. 

“Levi, you must have never been popular with women.” He observes.

Mikasa laughs yet again.

And then, the most bizarre thing happens—Levi  _ blushes.  _ What the hell.

He is irrevocably embarrassed, the tips of his ears and his sharp cheeks both tinted red. The woman is no longer humored—albeit the situation is entertaining—she is now caught off guard. This is...strange. Surreal, even. It is almost as if— _ somehow _ —Levi is human. He isn’t just an ex-captain with an unobtainable skill for combat, he is also  _ human _ underneath all of it. A man. As anticlimactic as it is, Levi is just  _ someone.  _ Another person on this planet. Another mouth that needs to be fed. Another sinner that yearns to atone.

He is not a fixture of the world. He is not known by all. He is a person who lives and will eventually meet an end. He is...just like Mikasa.

In a flash, the younger woman travels the great distance Levi puts between himself and the rest of the world. Suddenly, the man is not as elusive as he seems to be. His inhuman mask is breaking.

Is she... _empathizing_ with him?

The black-haired woman internally scoffs, trying to blow off the unforeseen realization. Like it’s nothing.

But that’s the most bothersome part! It... _ isn’t  _ nothing. It’s something! 

Why is it _ something?  _ Why is finding out that Levi is only human after all...so _ important  _ to her _?  _ It’s amazing that she’s lived to see this day—the day she stops resenting him.

Maybe,  _ just maybe,  _ she feels the urge to befriend Levi as well. If anyone can understand what she’s been through, it’s him. It’s  _ Levi. _

Without a word, Mikasa grabs the sack of soil off the top shelf like it’s nothing, and tosses it to the ex-captain. He skillfully catches it with both hands, swift reflexes apparent. 

“He actually was quite popular, Sir.” Mikasa formally claims to Isaac. Is she... _ defending him? _

“Really?” Isaac inquires. The entire situation does nothing to alleviate the stress that Levi is under. He is convinced that she’s planning something  _ devious. _

“Sincerely...sir.” It seems, to Levi, like she’s about to say more. But her voice dies out, as if ambushed with a painful memory. 

Levi recognizes the expression, how could he not? It’s a part of his everyday life—suddenly remembering something that is gone, never to return. He knows the anguish her mind is encased in, the metal cage that contains her heart, it is enough to take his breath away. It must’ve taken hers as well.

Finally, the short man calms himself down, even if he doesn’t want to. The look on Mikasa’s face is, well,  _ sad.  _ And Levi kind of feels bad about it.

“Alright, I believe you, as shocking as it is.” Isaac gruffly admits, smiling with a sage look in his eyes.

For the first time, Mikasa and Levi connect.

-

According to Sasha, Mikasa was insane. 

The darker-haired girl did not understand why. First of all, Sasha wasn’t exactly  _ normal,  _ so who was she to judge Mikasa? And it was for something so stupid! 

Sasha had proposed a question to the taller girl, one that involved Captain Levi.  _ “Do you think he’s handsome?” _ she had asked. 

“I detest him,” Mikasa then replied, “therefore he is hideous to me.”

Over-dramatic like usual, Sasha gasped loudly. 

“But he’s so handsome!” She argued.

“He is annoying and short.”

Truth be told, Mikasa could not find herself attracted to any other man besides Eren. It was excruciatingly painful. She wanted to escape the iron grasp of the love she loathfully endured. It was to no avail.

She loved Eren—just him. That was all. No other man had compared to him, the person who had conquered her heart. 

Mikasa contains a bitter scoff. Looking at it now, she feels ashamed. The woman used to be so infatuated with Eren, to a fault. The desire to protect him had become burdensome to the boy, somewhere along the line. Her undying loyalty earned her nothing but feelings that Eren did not requite. 

She had focused on him far too much, and now she is left with regret and remorse. Her sorrowful gray eyes look to the floor, and,  _ what was she gonna say again?  _

“Mikasa.” Levi beckons.

Oh right, he’s here. 

“Hm?” 

“Are you...okay?” He’s not exactly worried about her, he is just  _ asking what needs to be asked _

“No,” Her smile is sad and her eyes glint with melancholy, but she still looks at him, “are you?”

Levi sighs and shakes his head no.

“Touché.” He scoffs after a while. Mikasa does not reply, she gets back to planting instead.

And, for the first time, they work together in a comfortable silence. There is no hostility or hatred anymore. Just as one thing ends, something else begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey:o) how's everyone doingggggggg  
> did you like this chapter? please lmk what you think in the comments!! all feedback is appreciated<33


	4. Birthdays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh it is here!! sorry for the long wait :(

“Wakey wakey!” Sasha jeered. She tore Mikasa from light sleep and startled her into urgent lucidity. The older woman had automatically pranced onto the unsuspecting damsel, eyes cold and deadly—readied to kill. She then pinned her down into the sheets, muscular forearms trapping Sasha’s biceps against the bed, hands rushing to her neck, where she would constrict her attacker’s trachea. 

And then, there was a silence more suffocating than Mikasa’s deadly hold around her comrade’s throat. Once the woman realized what she’d done, her hands recoiled with an inhuman speed. Her face, usually a blank canvas, was inarguably painted with shame.

“I’m so s—”

“Tada!” Sasha’s cheery tone overpowered the other woman’s shaky apology. In an instant, she fished a key out of her own pocket and gently placed it in Mikasa’s palms. After she was sure her best friend saw the object, Sasha then soothingly held onto her large hands. She did not let go, even when Mikasa attempted to pull away. All that did was tighten Sasha’s grip.

The key was bronze, and the morning sunshine had peaked through the curtains, which made the key glimmer enchantingly. Mikasa couldn’t help but be slightly interested in what Sasha was scheming. However, she was still too pertinent to even make eye contact with her, let alone speak.

“Happy birthday, Mikasa.” 

_ Oh.  _ Sasha was right—it was February 10th, Mikasa’s birthday. She had forgotten about it.

“Yes...it is.” Mikasa, at first, was perplexed. Birthdays weren’t something the Survey Corps particularly acknowledged. Most of the soldiers simply found themselves realizing that their birthdays had already passed, and Mikasa was no exception.

Yet, for reasons unknown, Sasha always celebrated Mikasa’s birthday. It rendered the girl speechless on the day of her 16th. Sasha had woken her up and forced her to skip training. Instead, they went and played in the snow.

“Has it ever snowed on your birthday before, Mikasa?!” The bewildered girl questioned formally. Mikasa still wasn’t used to being greeted with such respect, it made her feel awkward and unsure. Nonetheless, she replied.

“I don’t think so…”

Sasha then leapt onto Mikasa, enveloping her broad frame with wiry arms. 

“Well then, I think the snow is wishing you a happy birthday!”

Mikasa had gotten used to the idea of celebrating her birthday. However, it always seemed to slip her mind every time February 10th rolled around. 

Sasha was the one to remind her. At first, it was burdensome. The crazed girl had gotten in the way of Mikasa’s monotonous routine. She made things uneasy. Uncertain.

However, the initial fear eventually wore off. Then, Mikasa found herself indulging in whatever abstract idea Sasha had constructed for her birthday. 

“Meet me in the dining hall tonight. This key will unlock it.” Her words brought Mikasa back to reality.

Many thoughts rushed through Mikasa’s mind—thoughts that were filled with anxiety and apprehension.

In spite of that, she simply nodded her head and broke out into a coy smile.

-

Sasha had made Mikasa a dish that was popular in Dauper. There, in the empty dining hall, she learned that the younger girl was an excellent cook. Sasha was just full of surprises.

A comfortable silence had taken over after they finished their meal. Mikasa recognized that silence, it was the same one she had years ago at home, with her parents. It was tranquil and...pleasant.

The woman truly cared for Sasha. Even though she was scatterbrained and oblivious, and had a habit of attracting chaos, Mikasa felt at peace around the girl. Although there was a risk of getting caught, the black-haired woman did not fret. Whatever punishments Mikasa risked, she’d endure them. 

She’d found a home in Sasha, despite their contrasted personalities. Punishments from Captain Levi, as horrific as they were, did not scare the woman away. 

If there was a way to ensure someone’s safety, Mikasa would do anything to ensure Sasha’s.

“What the hell are you two numbskulls doing?” Wow, he sure knew how to make an entrance. 

_ Ugh. Captain Levi _ . 

Sasha froze in fear, she refused to turn around and face the Captain. The other woman met his menacing gaze with one of her own. She reluctantly saluted.

“It’s my birthday, Captain,” She robotically explained, “we are celebrating it.”

The man’s face remained stoic, but something flashed in his gray eyes. Something that resembled sadness.

“I’m going back to bed.” Levi gruffed. Before Mikasa could even react, he dashed out of the dining hall and escaped back to his room. Just like that—it was over. He was gone.

Captain Levi had let them off the hook!

“Holy  _ shit, _ ” Sasha gasped, “I almost threw up the delicious food we ate!” Her light brown eyes were blown out wide; frantic as could be.

“This is something we cannot share with others. They’d think we were liars.” Mikasa ordered.

“OF COURSE!” 

“Quiet down.” 

And so she did. The two women, deadly quiet, sat awkwardly at a shabby dining table.

Their eyes met. 

“We never tell anyone about this—” Mikasa reiterated,

“Yes, of course” Sasha interjected,

“—unless we need to blackmail him. Understood?”

“But—”

_ “Understood?” _

“YES MA’AM!”

Sasha expected to be hushed by Mikasa yet again. The stoic woman giggled instead.

_ Giggled. _

Her eyes, despite their dark hue, were so bright. She had an enticing smile as well, a smile that Sasha instantly committed to memory.  _ She rarely smiled! _

Her laughter was soft and adorable. It was absolutely heinous! Mikasa, the second scariest person Sasha knew—Levi was first—laughed with the ferocity of a baby deer. How?! The woman had an unbeatable power. She excelled in  _ everything _ , her skills were superior to everyone but Levi. Even that was debatable!

Mikasa’s laughter was oddly contagious, too. Soon, it had spread to Sasha. For about a minute, all they did was laugh, hysterically so. 

It was an unmistakably bizarre situation. 

Mikasa liked thinking about how it was a clandestine memory, how it was something no one else could ever know about. 

“Thank you, Sasha.” Mikasa’s gratitude was awkward, abrupt, yet welcomed. 

“You’re my best friend. If I can do something to make you laugh, I’ll do it.”

Her grey eyes averted from Sasha’s opposing gaze, panicked. Her cheeks turned the lightest shade of pink. Like always, Sasha was unpredictable.

“You’re my best friend as well.” Mikasa declared gracelessly. She inwardly cringed at the sappiness of her words. Even if she meant everything she said, showing such vulnerability scared her. 

_ What if Sasha won’t accept me?  _ Mikasa had thought. 

Right after the woman finished her spontaneous confession, Sasha pulled her into a tight hug. Mikasa did not fight it. In fact, she found tranquility in her hold. 

“I will, um, celebrate your upcoming birthday. Only if you want to, of course…” She muttered out of the blue.

Sasha separated herself from their embrace, looked Mikasa in the eyes, and smiled kindly. 

“I’d love that.”

Yet she’d never have it.

-

“Time flies by, huh?” Mikasa questions Levi, who looks as uninviting as ever. Simply speaking, she just wants to make small talk! Perhaps a friendly conversation, if God allows it! 

However, Levi makes the summer heat even more scalding. Somehow, Mikasa brings out the enraged and disheveled part of his personality. His usual cold demeanor is nowhere to be found. She wants it back!

“I think time passes by agonizingly slow.” He deadpans. The woman huffs, clenching her fists.  _ Control yourself,  _ she internally demands.

“Ah, well I guess we don’t see eye to eye on that situation.”

“Indeed.”

_ Wow. _ Levi is  _ such _ an ass. 

“Are you really that  _ detestable?  _ Is conversation not good enough for you?” Mikasa spews. She is sick and tired of his childlike demeanor. It’s about time she snapped!

“Not with you.” 

_ Okay, that one hurt. _

Soon, the man realizes he said the wrong thing, because Mikasa’s expression goes cold. Levi recognizes that she’s putting her walls back up. It’s the same face she wore in battle, unreadable. She’s pushing him away again, as if he’s a mere hindrance. It’s a sickening feeling; his chest feels confined with nauseating guilt. 

He needs to leave it at that. Now, she’ll never bother him again, and he can continue to live his life of loneliness. Mikasa is right about one thing—time really  _ does  _ fly by. The war was won five years ago, yet it is still all he thinks about. He is still alive, at the age of 34, but he cannot shake the lingering presence of death that used to follow him. 

_ There is no more war,  _ he’d repeat religiously,  _ we won. It is over. There is no more fighting. _

Those words do nothing to alleviate the fear he lives everyday in. Levi is simply waiting for another disaster to happen, and it might drive him mad. 

He did what he needed to do to survive. He survived—now what?

“It’s Sasha’s birthday, if you didn’t know.” Mikasa’s voice is plagued with ice. She looks at him as if he’s her enemy, which he might as well be. “It’s Sasha’s birthday, and you’re being a prick for  _ no fucking reason.” _

Levi’s expression turns puzzled. His eyebrows are knitted deep in confusion, his head cocks to the side a bit, and the corners of his lips curve south. 

_ Are birthdays important to women?  _

The man cannot help but think that. Perhaps, it’s just another thing about women he does not understand. It would be one of many.

And then— _ oh.  _ A certain memory flashes in his mind. One he has locked away for years. Walking in on Sasha throwing a mini birthday-party for Mikasa, at 3 in the morning. The man had caught them, but he let them get away with their rule breaking. 

He hadn’t planned on it; he was going to make them clean the stables and take them to the Commander, who’d instill a more strenuous punishment. 

However, he couldn’t help but lurk around before making his presence known. Hearing Mikasa engage in such genuine banter was mind-boggling. She was just another kid after all.

When Levi finally interrupted the two girls, he deemed it useless to punish them. It made his gray eyes go somber for a split second. He longed for such companionship.

_ He let Mikasa get away with something like that! Something so...abhorrent! All for some sentimental bullshit! _

Levi still does not know why he did it. It was against protocol, and just about everything he stood for.  _ Tch.  _

He still feels the same sadness when he meets Mikasa’s gaze again. The same yearning.

It is a dull, deep ache. Everyone he has befriended throughout his 34 years of living are 6 feet under. Mikasa could not say the same. She still has Eren and Armin, who managed to break the Curse of Ymir. 

Levi has no one. And all he’s doing is repaying debt to that old geezer, Isaac, by working in this flower shop. No one else knew of what he owed to Isaac, and his wife, who perished some time before Mikasa arrived. 

The man still does not know where Mikasa was during those long five years. He does not seek an answer, probing her for selfish information will do more harm than good.

Levi realizes he still has yet to speak.

“I’m sorry,” His words are firm, and he looks at her intently, “I forgot about the importance of birthdays to you two. That was irresponsible of me.”

Mikasa can’t do anything to fight the wave of shock that crashes into her. It is as graceful as a tsunami. The woman almost stumbles back from the impact of his words. Of his  _ apology.  _

_ Levi apologized to me,  _ she recalls rapidly,  _ Mikasa Ackerman. I think...the world might end. _

“It’s good that you’re sorry.” She deflects while crossing her arms, trying to mask her discontempt. Levi sees right through it.

“Is my apology  _ that  _ shocking?” He questions, his expression ghosted with amusement.

“Yes, it is.” Mikasa nods. She is not one to beat around the bush.

“Well, it is sincere.” 

The woman stops for a moment, as if contemplating something. Levi feels a pit of worry form in his gut. Sometimes, she exudes intimidation and wrath unknowingly.

“Would you like to visit her grave with me, today?” She offers. His mouth parts, slightly, and his eyes widen. The man is expectedly taken aback, but also quite...honored. Both of them are similar in regards to their private lives—they are kept  _ private.  _ The same thing applies to their emotions and grief.

But, Mikasa is doing something that makes Levi’s whole body feel warm. She is reaching out to him, unabashed yet kindly. 

“Yes, I suppose I could do that.” He replies. The man is not shy or hesitant, his eyes are intense when they meet her gaze. He is not one to beat around the bush, either. Levi remembers Sasha as a fixture for clumsy bravery. Even if her courage was graceless, it was there when he needed it. It only seems right to visit her grave and honor her memory.

“Thank you for apologizing, Levi.” Mikasa says abruptly.  _ Levi _ —the word feels weird on her tongue, his name sounds foreign when it’s her own voice that’s calling it. Even though she demanded to be treated as an equal from the moment they reunited, Mikasa avoided saying his name. It felt unnatural. Wrong.

Now, Mikasa is baffled that she once felt so apprehensive. His name comes to her easily, just like any other word she speaks. She amusedly huffs, entertained by that fact. 

“It felt like the right thing to do.” He shrugs. She nods.

“Sasha’s grave is...not very far from my house.” 

_ That’s probably intentional,  _ Levi internally remarks. 

“Once our shift is over, we can go.” 

She nods in agreement. 

The woman works the rest of her shift with a weird glint in her gray eyes. It’s the most perplexing situation—Mikasa is finally understanding why Levi was once popular with women. He is...quite handsome, underneath all of his spitefulness and sarcasm. 

If Sasha were there, the older woman would turn to her for advice. Of course, Sasha would make a big deal out of it, because that’s just what she’d do. However, she’d still help Mikasa, because, above all else, Sasha was a good friend.

This year is Sasha’s fifth birthday since she died. Mikasa went to her grave, every year, and brought roses each time. 

Of all people,  _ Levi  _ is going to accompany her. Although it’s quite incapacitating, it’s quite…

_ Fitting. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be...messy, to say the least. levi and mikasa in a graveyard??? what have i done???  
> sorry for the inconsistent updates though!! i'm just a very busy gal these days :')


	5. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> manga spoilers!! also, in this universe, levi never lost his fingers from the explosion, and but he still has very faint scars. this chapter is 5.1k words, which i hope isn't too much!! this chapter dives into levi's past, and introduces lorane. there are very light implications of suicidal thinking. this chapter, and this story in general, will have potentially triggering topics like suicidal thoughts. you have been warned.

It’s an odd situation alright; Mikasa scurries through her cabinets, looking for a suitable bottle of wine to take to Sasha’s grave. With Levi. 

She resists the urge to shudder.

Mikasa drank just about every time she visited Sasha’s grave. The woman recalls a warm memory, getting drunk for the first time with all of her comrades in the Survey Corps. The younger woman clung to Mikasa like a cub to its mother bear. She drunkenly babbled about food and her fear of abandonment, expressive yet graceless.

She amusedly scoffs at the memory of Sasha. And then her heart starts to hurt, like it always does. It sears and aches, relentless in its tenacity.  _ Memories,  _ Mikasa thinks,  _ that is all they are now. Sasha is… _

_ Just a memory. _

Never to return. 

She is gone like Mikasa’s parents, gone like Carla and Grisha, gone like most of the people the woman has truly cared for. 

She finds it difficult to pinpoint all of her hurt. She is electrified with cool rage, the kind that makes the hairs on the back of her neck stick up. She feels suffocating grief that makes it hard to breathe. It is irrational, Mikasa knows this, but she is upset with herself for living. She is among the smattering of survivors. She is honored publicly, kids admire her, adults respect her, yet everyone fears her. 

She lives to see the aftermath of such a devastating war, when the overwhelming majority died trying. Instinctually, everyone fears someone with such notoriety.

Well, everyone except Levi. He does not fear Mikasa in the slightest—and, it bruises her ego a bit. Even if she detests being feared, she does not want the man to be immune to her wrath. Their relationship is...quite an odd battle for power. Yes, she knows how to get on his nerves—what buttons to press, what landmines to step on, Mikasa knows it all. However, not once has he approached her with apprehension. It’s usually quite the contrary, actually. He launches at her; like a rocket designed for intense warfare, with the intent of blowing everything up.

The woman remembers what the previous Commander, Hange Zoë, had been known for—finding her opponent’s weaknesses. That was how the brilliant scientist approached battle, and it won her a formidable reputation. Even down to the very end, her death was noble. Hange had sacrificed herself, offering everyone else some time to escape from the Rumbling. She died at the hands of the Titans, who endlessly fascinated her. And, her death was not in vain—she really did buy them enough time. 

_ Brilliant people die brilliant deaths,  _ Mikasa thinks.

Finally, she finds two bottles of wine suited to her taste. They’re both deep red, aged finely. The opulent wines she possesses are reserved for occasions like visiting Sasha’s grave. 

The woman puts the bottles into a leather bag, picks up the bouquet of roses she’d brought back from work, and then slings the leather strap over her shoulder. Simultaneously, she picks up two wine glasses, and holds them in her left hand, her fingers wrapped around the bases with a confident grip. Her right hand holds the roses.

She exits her kitchen, through a narrow hallway that extends to the front door. By now, the woman is used to dodging and stepping over the random items scattered about; it’s a part of her daily routine. However, Levi would see it as a monstrosity that needs to be cleaned, which is why he is waiting on the front stoop, and not inside. 

Mikasa is only three steps out the door when Levi takes the wine glasses and bouquet from her hand. She does not complain; she thanks him instead. Underneath their facades, the two of them are both shocked by her cooperative behavior.

They start walking to Sasha’s grave. The moonlight casts upon the world, giving everything an ethereal glow. The summer evening is warm and breezy, something Mikasa appreciates greatly. The two of them walk through dimly lit streets, the only sound being the clacking of their shoes against the cobblestone roads.

Finally, Levi breaks the verbal silence.

“I don’t live far from you.” He admits, in between a state of horror and curiosity. He realized that with blood-chilling shock earlier. The man hopes he will not regret sharing that information with her.

“Really? That’s odd.” Mikasa is too distracted for an in-depth conversation, all of a sudden. Instead, she stares at Levi, taking in his every feature. Cold, gray eyes that glimmer enticingly stare straight ahead, with large hands that are stuffed into his pockets, veins prominent all the way up to the start of his biceps. He is not broad, but he is built, and probably the strongest man alive. His arms and shoulders are firm with muscle, just like the rest of his body.

She notices his sharp jawline. His deep voice.  _ He is not so bad to look at, after all,  _ she thinks.

And then she freezes. What is she  _ doing _ ?! Her shameless gawking immediately ceases. If Levi noticed, he did not mention anything, thank  _ god.  _

Mikasa pushes her previous thoughts to the back of her mind, never to be acknowledged again. She continues walking, to the entrance of the graveyard where Sasha lay.

“I’m back!” She quips, opening the gate. Familiarly, she strides to Sasha’s grave, Levi in tow. Mikasa sets down her leather bag, and then takes the roses from Levi’s hold. Finally, she turns her full attention to Sasha, smiling sadly. Gently, she sets the bouquet of roses in front of the gravestone, and then sits down, facing it. There are so many things Mikasa wants to say, so many things she wished she could have said, so many promises and secrets and jokes. 

“Happy birthday, Sasha.” She croaks, her voice barely audible. The woman is unable to say anything more. She cries, instead. The tears that stream down her cheeks, rapid and constant like gunfire, are her unspoken words. Mikasa longs to hear Sasha’s airy voice again, with its endearingly respectful tone, and its soothing aura. She wants to see her face again, her greenish-brown eyes, her soft smile, her reddish-brown hair—which would be tied up in some version of a ponytail. 

Mikasa feels the urge to scream until her throat feels raw and sore.  _ Everything has been taken away from her!  _ Eren and Historia are married, along with Armin and Annie. They have their own lives to live now. Their own children to raise, their own problems to take care of, all without  _ her.  _ She is unmarried, unavailable, unloved, she is  _ unwanted.  _ She is nothing but damaged goods, soon to be discarded. The war she fought in as Humanity’s Greatest Soldier, it has ended—and her purpose on this earth died with it. If she disappeared now, that would be okay. She has no Titans to slaughter anymore, no people to battle. She is helping no one by living.

Mikasa is nothing, nothing at all.

“Happy birthday, Sasha Braus.” Levi’s rough voice interrupts her train of thought, and she is brought back to cruel reality. Without thinking, Mikasa looks up to the man, who still stands, with wonder in her eyes. “You were a true soldier. I always admired your courage. Sorry I never told you that, kid.”

It is an odd skill that Levi obtains; knowing how and when to say the right thing, at the most unexpected times. If Sasha were alive, and heard the ex-captain’s words, she would be enamored. Mikasa is sure of it—which is why her tears slowly come to a stop. Instead of crying, she stares at Levi for a bit, slightly enamored herself. 

He is not a sentimental man, definitely not. But, he is always honest. The truth tends to be sentimental, more often than most would think. And, although Levi shies away from expressing his emotions, he does not shy away from the objective truth.

“Let’s have a drink.” Mikasa suddenly offers, the corners of her lips turning north. His scoff is heavy with sarcasm, and he is entertained by her eagerness. The man sits down next to her, handing her a wine glass without thinking—it just comes naturally. She takes it wordlessly, as if they have done this a hundred times. It is only the first.

Mikasa opens the first wine bottle without a tool. Effortlessly, she manages to secure a grip around the cork with her fingertips, and then she pulls up. It detaches with a satisfying pop.

Reluctantly, she pours her ex-captain’s glass first, and then fills her own. The burgundy liquid swirls magnificently, moonlight reflecting between the decorative crevices engraved in the wine glass, giving the first sip a refreshing taste. 

“To Sasha.” Mikasa toasts.

“To Sasha.” Levi repeats.

They engage in conversation about various topics; the quality of their words deteriorating along with their sobriety. Time passes by, without them realizing it. Much to her dismay, Levi can handle his alcohol better than Mikasa, because they just finished the second bottle, and he looks  _ slightly  _ tipsy. Mikasa is  _ drunk.  _ Her words are slurred, clumsy, and she flails her arms dramatically. Levi may not be on her level of inebriation, but thank  _ god  _ he is not sober, because he would probably faint from shock if he was. Drunk Mikasa is a completely different person than regular Mikasa. She is talkative, loud, transparent, and she  _ instigates.  _

“Why do you work at a fuckin’  _ flower shop,  _ Levi?” She interrogates abruptly. His eyebrows raise in a lazy manner, giving him a look of nonchalant amusement. The man’s gray eyes narrow into a playful glare, and he stifles a smile.

“No need to be so aggressive, Ackerman.”

“What? You scared, you little bitch?” Drunk Mikasa does not think before she speaks, another differing feature.

Levi cannot contain his laughter. It is exasperated, gravelly, and yet Mikasa finds it pleasant. She feels prideful, knowing that she evoked it out of him. 

_ She wants to hear it again. _

“Yes, I am absolutely  _ terrified _ right now. How’d you know?” He deadpans. Mikasa’s lips curl into an aggravated frown.

“I may be, well,  _ quite  _ drunk right now—”

“ _ Mhm _ .” Levi mockingly interjects.

“—but you  _ still  _ cannot fool me, you FOOL!” She is over-dramatic in her mannerisms, and shouts at a volume that is disrespectful for a graveyard. Still, stubbornly so, she is proud.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Mikasa scoffs.

“Answer my damn question,  _ Levi.  _ Why are you working at a flower shop? Is it your attempt at atoning? Or do you really like flowers? I could make you a flower crown, y’know. I’d use  _ daisies _ —”

“Shut up.”

“—and  _ daffodils _ —”

“I’ll kill you.”

“—and... _ guess what?  _ There’s a surprise!” Mikasa is relentless. Levi realizes that she will not stop talking; so he pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and pointer finger, defeatedly so. “There’s a  _ surprise,  _ Levi,” She nudges the man aggressively, “ _ guess what the surprise is.” _

Wow. She is really making him play along.  _ Wow.  _ Mikasa is evil—and he will never underestimate her intellect ever again; drunk or not.

“What’s the surprise?” He jeers with false enthusiasm, feeling the last fragments of his dignity slip away.

“I’m so glad you asked! The surprise is  _ sunshine!  _ I would add some motherfuckin’  _ sunshine  _ to your flower crown,  _ Levi.  _ Because it’s so bright! And warm! And lovely! Just like  _ y _ —”

“OKAY,” Mikasa is glad to be interrupted, “I’ll tell you why. Jesus.”

In the midst of their argument, Levi had stood up, hating the idea of being on equal ground. The woman tugged on his arm, forcing him to sit. He plops with a defeated  _ tch.  _

“Continue,” She beckons.

And so he does.

-

_ Food. _

It was the only word that Levi could articulate. It zipped through his mind, and ricocheted off the walls in his head. That was going to last for the rest of his life, it seemed, since he figured that death was minutes away. The boy’s stomach was painfully empty, and the corners of his vision faded black, which casted a vignette shadow over his sight. Ever so slowly, the shadow swallowed up more of his surroundings. 

“Oh, you must be so hungry, you poor thing!” A middle-aged woman cooed. She was tall, and her stature was firm and had lean muscle. Usually, Levi would spit in the eye of those who coddled him; but she gave him a chunk of bread, so he was too busy stuffing his face instead of defying her. She looked at him with kind, deep brown eyes.

After he had his fair share, Levi followed the old woman home, with much haze and confusion. Clarity returned when he saw the old lady’s lawn. It was  _ magnificent.  _ Healthy green grass blanketed the land in front of her shack, but it was the  _ flowers  _ that astonished him the most. They came in a plethora of shapes in sizes, but each one held its own unique charm. Truthfully, the boy had no idea what he was looking at, but he was amazed nonetheless. He saw colors with such vibrancy he did not know existed, and it made him feel grateful that he survived to see something so electrifying.

_ Thank god she saved my life _ , Levi thought with horror. He had given in much too quickly, and it plagued his conscience. He felt cowardly. 

_ Never again,  _ he vouched. Never again would he give up on his own life. He would fight until the very end.

“Boy, what’s your name?” She questioned. The length of her brown hair, which had voluminous waves, stopped at her chest. She was enticing to him.

“Levi. What’s yours?” 

“Lorane,” She began, “nice to meet ya, Levi!”

“Those plants,” The boy started, fascination laced in his tone, “what  _ are  _ they?” Adorably, he cocked his head to the side. He was only eleven years old, but he had cold and intelligent mannerisms. It unsettled most kids  _ and  _ adults. He outsmarted everyone, and he could easily defeat anyone if it came down to a physical brawl. But, there, he was rendered utterly clueless.

“It’s called a garden, Levi.”

“A... _ garden _ ?” The word was new, unheard of, yet it held magic. All of those colors amongst such a dull world, Lorane managed to create that. 

She was...a glimpse of hope. It was the first time he felt hope since the death of his mother, two years prior. He desperately clung onto life, and he pretended the reason was unbeknownst to him. However, incessantly, the truth rang in Levi’s mind; he wanted to go to the surface. He wanted to make something of his pathetic life, even if it seemed hopeless. He wanted to live. He wanted to fight! 

Lorane’s elusive wit had enlightened Levi. How did she find out about something so spectacularly peculiar? The boy wanted to know those things, too! 

Undeniably, he longed to see the world. The lady in front of Levi, she was someone ahead of him. Someone he wanted to catch up to. And then surpass, by miles.

Eventually, he would.

-

Levi would see Lorane from time to time. Her house wasn’t exactly hard to identify with its plethora of flowers, nor was it difficult to find. Each time he went, the woman would tell him something about plants. Truthfully, she was an expert in the field of botany. The boy was in awe when she explained to him her method of growing flowers underground. She had built in artificial sunlight, in brick units above her garden. It took years of perfecting, but Lorane managed to grow colorful plants in a dark pit of hell. To Levi, she was a miracle worker.

Before either of them knew it, they had developed an eight-year long friendship. Levi had thought of her as a companion, and someone he looked up to, despite how unordinary their bond was. 

During those eight years, he met a man by the name of Farlan, and a girl by the name of Isabel. For the first time, he had a group of people to depend on, and a group of people to  _ protect.  _ Levi saw it as an obligation.

However, at the ripe age of twenty, a man by the name of Erwin Smith had crashed into Levi’s life. 

Levi, Farlan, and Isabel were trying to score a crucial deal for a shady client. If they were able to succeed, the three of them would have been given citizenship on the surface. His life-long dream had knocked on his door one day, and offered itself to him. There was no way in hell he would give up that opportunity, even if it meant he had to go against the Military Police.

Unfortunately, two members of the Survey Corps presented themselves to him instead. Erwin Smith, who Levi deemed as the leader, and Mike Zacharias, who dunked his head in the filthy sewer water when he got caught, were both forces to be reckoned with. 

Levi, Farlan, and Isabel had failed to escape, for the first time in their lives. They expected execution. They were offered something far more torturous instead—enlisting in the Survey Corps.

It was that, or execution. The man chose the first option, for himself and his two comrades. 

He would carry out the plan, still. He would kill Erwin Smith, steal the document he needed for the deal, and then claim his reward—life on the surface. It was simple.

Levi had been riddled with naivety. He underestimated Erwin, which was a detrimental mistake. The blond-haired Squad Captain had regarded Levi as transparent; he saw through the younger man’s front like looking through a clear glass window. 

Levi, for the second time in his life, was rendered utterly clueless. Even after he lost Farlan and Isabel, who were mauled to death by a red-eyed Titan, even after he tortured that beast with his furious, vengeful blades, and then slaughtered it like cattle, the man felt as if he knew nothing at all. He did not know what decision to make next, where to go, what to do, because  _ they were dead.  _ It rained haughtily, the drops of water pricked at Levi’s skin. The grass was green, vibrant, and  _ untouched.  _ He was among the first of those who traversed the foreign, mysterious land beyond the walls. Mountains covered most of the horizon, with snow-covered tops and steep grounds. Thunder roared in the distance. 

The night before their death, Farlan and Isabel had beckoned Levi to trust the two of them. He gave in, he put his faith into them—and they were slaughtered mercilessly. 

He had failed to protect the ones he loved; and they were snatched from his feeble grasp. Forever. 

Is that what he got for... _ trusting his friends?  _

Erwin Smith had forced him into this situation.  _ Levi was going to kill him. _

Immediately, he coaxed his horse into galloping at a rapid pace, and searched for that blue-eyed bastard with venom in his gaze. _ It was his fault!  _

Within an instant, Erwin was in sight. Even if the rainstorm had absorbed all the sunlight, Levi’s vision did not suffer any hindrances. The man made his horse pick up speed, one last time. Lightning flashed miles away, a magnificent streak of light amid such darkness.

With a sharp turn to the side, Levi masterfully halted his horse’s deadly tread. He got off the saddle, and his feet noiselessly met the ground. Erwin noticed his presence, and his bloodthirsty gaze. 

His walk to Erwin was swift, and Levi’s attack was expected, therefore easily deflected. Erwin held Levi’s dulled weapon in place with the grip of his right hand. They made eye contact. Levi’s hand trembled, which made the metal blade rattle in its sheath. No one talked.

Levi did not know what to do, and he did not know where to go. He was still thinking about his last conversation with two dear friends, whose limbs were now sprawled across the muddy ground. Some other creatures would finish up the scraps of their deceased remains. 

He would have much rather continued life underground. The deal should have never been accepted.  _ Nothing was worth losing his best friends. _

But then, Erwin made sure Levi realized the truth. 

It was neither his nor the younger man’s fault. Who the blame lay with was much simpler than that—it was the Titan’s fault. 

“Levi,” Erwin loudly sneered, “are you going to let your friends die in vain? Are you going to give up now, and let the Titans win?”

Why was that explosive captain so  _ hellbent  _ on obtaining Levi? It confused him.

But, overall, he was mostly intrigued. If Levi were to follow Erwin,  _ what would happen? _

Perhaps, Erwin knew how to make something meaningful of Levi's life, even without his two best friends. He had no other choice.

He would follow Erwin.

-

The war ended in September. Levi was twenty-eight years old, and he was among the small number of survivors. Erwin died a little over four years before then.

His replacement as Commander was Hange Zoë. She advanced humanity more than ever before, with her brilliant mind. Levi developed an odd friendship with her, ever since he lost Farlan and Isabel. 

She, too, was dead. She had been for seven months.

One day, Levi found himself wandering around the heart of Shiganshina. He was finally finished with the finalities of victory, and left the Survey Corps, just like everyone else. Things from then on out would be very different—he had yet to process that.

Even so, people still stopped and stared at him on the streets. Without any shame. He was an attractive fellow, even if he was the epitome of sleep deprivation, but no woman had dared to try and woo him. They were all much too afraid of the man, and it outweighed their attraction. He was infamous.

Levi was quite familiar with being in such a lonely position. That would not cease, even if the war ended, people would always fear him.

He continued to walk down the cemented pavement, no particular destination in mind. Then, he stopped suddenly, and stared in awe at the sight before him. 

There was a shop with a front wall made out of bricks. Two large windows were built in, located on either side of the front door.  _ “Lorane’s Flowers”  _ was engraved into a wooden slab that was nailed to the entrance.

_ It couldn’t be…? _

The flowers that hung from the window sills, perfectly displayed, were familiarly vibrant. 

Before he could further ponder the possibility, he opened the door with great strength, and frantically casted his gaze across the shop.

He recognized Lorane immediately. His eyes widened with whimsical shock, which stole the air from his lungs. 

She aged quite a bit during their eight-year long separation. Levi left the Underground when she was fifty-two, and she was sixty then. Her brown hair had grayed, but it was still around the same length as before. Kindness was still very much apparent in her brown eyes. Her pale skin still glowed beautifully, despite the wrinkles that had formed since their last meeting.

When she realized who had just walked through the front door, Lorane exhaled a slight gasp. Her lips displayed a tiny frown, and her eyebrows raised in minor shock.

“Ah, so you’ve returned, Levi!”

He did not hesitate in his reply.

“How are you here?” His tone was not accusatory nor hostile, it was filled with mystical disbelief. He was elated.

“I sold the flowers I grew. It’s how I managed to feed you  _ and  _ myself. After I stopped having to feed you, I managed to save up the money I didn’t spend on extra food. The money added up, and I went to the surface two years after you disappeared. I started my own business. And soon, I found out you were  _ Captain Levi,  _ which had made sense. They forced you into serving, didn’t they?”

He nodded. Like always, Lorane was perceptive, and figured things out on her own. 

“What have you been doing since the end of the war, Levi?”

“I’ve been taking care of shit.”

“And?”

“There is no more shit to take care of.”

Lorane broke out into a sheepish grin.

“Well then, how’d ya like to work in my shop?”

_ To hell with it,  _ Levi thought.

“Is the pay good?” He teased.

“You’ll do it no matter the pay, boy.” Said an old man, who had previously crouched behind the counter, and then shot up with unlikely speed. That man had managed to hide from  _ Levi,  _ who had the nickname of “Humanity’s Strongest Soldier” during wartime.

“This is my husband, Isaac,” Lorane quipped while she pointed at the man next to her, “please excuse his hostility.”

“Nice to meet you, Isaac. I’m—”

“Levi, yes, I know.”

An awkward silence ensued. The youngest man was not exactly the smoothest socialite, and he often relied on others for saying the right thing. His eyes sought out Lorane, whose gaze had already reached Levi. The slightest smirk played at her lips.

_ Tch.  _ She wasn’t going to help him out.

“Well, I look forward to working with you.” Levi awkwardly announced. 

“See you tomorrow, at 5 AM.”

Levi would be there.

-

A year passed. Things were actually kind of  _ okay,  _ for a bit _.  _ Working at the flower shop proved to be hard work, but it was nowhere near as strenuous as being a soldier. A fighter. A killer.

For Levi, his job was a good distraction. It occupied his mind most of the time, which is why he was so dedicated to it. When his mind was occupied, there was not enough time to constantly mourn or obsess. 

Plus, he was reunited with someone he truly held close to his heart. The man thought that working for Lorane was the least he could have done, in order to repay her for saving his life. In order to repay her for  _ being his friend.  _

But then, unexpectedly, Lorane was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's. And then things fell apart, like they always did.

-

“She, um,” Levi murmurs, “died six months before you came here.”

_ It’s only been eight months,  _ Mikasa realizes. She feels oddly guilty, since her arrival must have been awfully timed for her ex-captain. 

For a moment, the two of them sit in silence. They’re next to each other, backs flat against Sasha’s gravestone. It’s four in the morning, but neither of them are new to the idea of sleepless nights.

“Thank you for telling me this, Levi,” The woman begins with a sad smile, “you don’t have to tell me anything more. I won’t be such an asshole next time.”

“Next time?” Levi questions without thinking.

“The next time you tell me something, I won’t be such an asshole about it. And I won’t force you to tell me like I did this time—and for that, I,  _ um, _ apologize.”

He is thankful, truly. Honestly speaking, he does not want to dwell over the last few years of Lorane’s life. At least, not at this moment.

But, later on, Levi might talk about it—only if Mikasa is willing to listen, of course.

He wears a subtle smile while helping the younger woman clean up. The man holds both the leather bag and the wine glasses. She rests the roses against her best friend’s gravestone, gazing sadly at the writing of her name.

“I’ll see you soon.” Her words are final. She sees it as a promise, for both herself and Sasha. It is what Mikasa always says whenever she leaves the grave. Her words remain true; because she always goes back. Levi stares at the woman, who willingly displays her vulnerability. He feels special, and it fills him with childlike pride. 

Mikasa let him in, slightly. It inflates his ego a bit, but he would never admit that. 

Even though he is honored, he wants to know  _ more. _ Levi wants to be let in  _ all the way.  _

“Come on, Mikasa,” The man begins, “let’s go home.”

_ But my home,  _ she thinks,  _ is right here. It’s Sasha. _

“The dead cannot come back,” Levi laments, “you must accept that, because it is a fact.”

He expects her to lash out, to argue, but she does no such thing. Instead, Mikasa looks to the ground, avoiding his gaze.  _ Is she...ashamed?  _ He wonders.

“I lack purpose,” The woman’s tone is meek and defeated, “so I don’t think it matters if I live or die. At least, not anymore.”

Levi knows that feeling, he has experienced it as well, yet her words shock him unsettlingly. Mikasa could not be more wrong! Is she a fool? 

“Oi,  _ Mikasa.”  _ The attempt to mask the pain in his tone is futile. His voice shakes with worry, noticeably so when he says her name.

“Did I scare you? I’m sorry, I—”

“Your purpose isn’t to fight in wars, you idiot. Your purpose is meant to be found through  _ living your fucking life.  _ What were you doing for these last five years?  _ Were you living your life?” _

“I was traveling the world, trying to see it for myself. But the memories just…haunted me. Believe me, Levi, I wanted to live my own fucking life! I wanted to be normal for once, god dammit!” She is out of breath, and heaves furiously. Her gaze is tantalizing, but she never breaks eye contact with him “I couldn’t enjoy the world, I expected Titans to come and raise hell around every corner. I traveled alone. At first, I treated it like a mission….but, then I’d remember that the Survey Corps disbanded. We won the war. It was over!” Her eyes, which shine violet with melancholy, still stare into his gray irises. 

“I tried.” She states with finality.

“You...did well, Mikasa.” 

_ What? _

A light shade of red dusts her cheeks, her eyes abashed and glassy.

“Huh?” 

“You did the best that you could. You were brave, and you fought the hardest you could. There was nothing you could’ve done about the deaths of your comrades, no matter what you say. There’s a reason you survived—you’re extraordinary.”

Above all else, Mikasa is confused. She ignores the heat that spreads across her skin from his praises.  _ What is he doing? _

“Thank you…?”

_“Tch,”_ Levi snarls, “I’m being pathetically nice, and _that_ is what I get?” Her blush deepens, and she averts her eyes from his intense gaze. 

Abruptly, she starts walking to the gate. He does his best to catch up, but something compels him to stay behind and admire her instead.

Swiftly, Mikasa spins around on her heel. Her eyes meet Levi’s gaze again, in a more confident manner. She looks enchanting; her pale skin basks amongst the moonlight, and her black hair glistens wistfully. 

“Thank you, Levi,” She says, slightly shouting, “let’s go home now, huh?” 

He grins warmly.

“Yeah, let’s go home, Mikasa.”


	6. Just Admit It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!! sorry for the long wait, i've been going through a majorrrr writer's block :( i'm trying to get back into the swing of things. i just wanted to thank you all so much for the love this story has been receiving!!! i appreciate your feedback more than you could ever know. if you can, please comment!! just tell me what you thought about the chapter, something that stood out, or something i could improve on! i welcome constructive criticism.  
> just, please comment!!! enjoy!!

Levi walks into the flower shop at precisely five-thirty in the morning. He arrives after Isaac, but before Mikasa. It is always like this. She arrives some time between six and seven in the morning. It varies, and can fluctuate greatly within two different days. However, the woman has never broken this routine. Not even once has she arrived before six AM, or after seven AM. It mystifies Levi. He does not know why he notices such an intricate habit of hers; but it makes his chest feel funny. He doubts that Isaac picked up on something so subtle. Levi regards it as a secret between the two of them—between _him and her_. He cannot help but feel slightly prideful. Perhaps, finally, he is starting to understand Mikasa. 

The man greets Isaac, who is filling out paperwork in his office. The room has brick walls and wooden floors. The floors are prone to creaking, but Levi’s footsteps are so nimble that they do not make a single sound. Force of habit. Isaac’s desk is to the right of the room, in the far corner. A window is to the left of his back. Through it shines hot, merciless light. The middle of August is never kind in terms of weather. Levi hates this heat. But, the sunlight is needed in that office, since it harbors many plants. They’re on the left side of the room. The flowers are all wonderfully colorful. Lorane’s kind face flashes in Levi’s mind—he misses her terribly. 

Even though he is aware of Levi’s presence, the old man does not bat an eye at the fellow. He continues working through his paperwork instead.

“Good morning, Isaac.” He still does not look at Levi.

“Mh.” He grunts in acknowledgement.

The air goes quiet, and it is _tense,_ agonizingly so. At least for Levi it is.

“You have a good day as well, _Isaac.”_ And, with that, Levi bitterly slams the office door, like an angry teenager would. That is all it takes—Isaac realized it long ago—to make the shorty upset. It is comical, and works like a charm whenever he is bored.

Before Levi could process it, the clock strikes seven-thirty in the morning. Mikasa is _still_ not present. Something must be wrong, Levi is sure of it. Mikasa, not once, was ever late to _anything_ in the Survey Corps. If she’s been thrown in some dangerous situation, the man knows she can handle herself, but he just cannot help but feel deeply worried. 

Isaac opens the door to the area behind the counter, where Levi is. He sits on a stool, with his chin propped on his closed fist, eyes deep in contemplation. 

“Mikasa called out sick today.” The old man announces, disrupting Levi’s thinking. However, he answered his question, without it even being asked. _Tch, the old geezer is too damn perceptive._

“Okay.” His response is suspiciously nonchalant. He is seen right through.

“Pretending not to care, I see.” Isaac expects the younger man to bite back with ferocity, as he always does, but he smiles as his eyes flicker with a pleasant memory instead. 

Truth be told, for some unbeknownst reason, Mikasa came to Levi’s mind. Isaac’s troublesome words sounded just like something Mikasa would say. If someone doesn’t bite the bait at first, the woman insists on setting up another trap. She is skilled in the art of instigation. Levi still does not know why Mikasa is so hellbent on seeing him angry, but he always ends up engaging in whatever discourse she stirs. If the man says he does not enjoy squabbling with her, he would be lying.

“Oi, don’t ignore me, little boy.”

“I’m a grown man, Isaac.”

“Well, you’re as easy to read as a little boy, Levi.”

The younger man quirks his eyebrow out of irresistible curiosity. 

“What’re you talking about?” He bites the bait.

Isaac smirks.

“It’s clear that you’re thinkin’ about Mikasa. You’ve got it bad for her, huh? It’s hilarious—”

Levi scrambles out of his chair, frantic and panicked. He runs over to Isaac, gracefully twirls around his right hip, putting him in a position where he faces the old man’s back. Within a nanosecond, he clamps his hand over the old bastard’s mouth, silencing him for as long as needed.

“Y-you have no idea what you’re talking about.” Levi lies, painstakingly obvious. Isaac scoffs against his hand, making Levi pull away out of disgust. He turns around, bravely facing the ex-captain.

“You’re blushing like a little girl.” He wears a wicked smile.

Before either of them could say anything else, the bells above the door chime, signaling the entrance of a customer. Immediately, Levi shifts his focus onto her, eager to forget the words just uttered—because what was said is true.

Levi _is_ blushing like a little girl, and he’s helplessly flustered, all because of the truth behind Isaac’s words.

_He’s got it bad for Mikasa._

-

Mikasa heard the doorbell ring, that is for sure. However, she is not in the mood to interact with other human beings, it would simply break her, so she chooses to continue to lay in bed and ignore it.

_Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Ding-dong!_

Ignoring it is harder than she previously thought. Whoever is ringing her doorbell refuses to give up until she answers. Naturally, it seems like a trap.

She pulls the covers over her head, surrounding herself with nothing but darkness.

_Knock knock knock._

“MIKASA! IT’S ME, LEVI! I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE, SO OPEN UP!”

It’s worse than a trap, it’s _Levi._

Mikasa doesn’t even want to give him, or anyone, the time of day. She just wants to hide underneath her blankets and sulk.

However, she knows Levi, so she’s aware that he will break in if she doesn't answer. Therefore, she forces herself out of bed with a defeated sigh. Her bed is unmade, like always. The four pillows she uses are strewn about her mattress. The woman expertly dodges the objects scattered across the floor of her room, and does so all the way until she’s at her front door. 

She unlocks it. Instantly, Levi whips the front door open, scowl present on his face.

“Ugh, what are you doing here?” She snarls. It is a good question, but he chooses not to answer it.

“Happy to see you too,” The man begins with a sardonic grin, “now let me in.” 

Although she is good at hiding what she feels, Mikasa’s eyes widen with unmistakable worry. _The state my house is in,_ Mikasa thinks, _will give him a heart attack. He cannot come in._

She is about to prevent him from entering, but when she looks up to face the man who previously stood outside her front door, he is no longer there. Mikasa cannot help but regard him as a sly bastard. She quickly turns around, coming face-to-face with her ex-captain. He is eerily expressionless.

 _Oh god, he’s going to freak out_ —

“Do you not know how to clean, or something?” Levi asks, cocking his head to the side slightly. His eyebrows furrow, and he stuffs his hands into the pockets of his shorts. He wears a casual white t-shirt, which hugs his biceps in the most flattering way possible. His gray eyes are piercing.

She would like to gawk at him some more, but she realizes that his question isn’t rhetorical, after a good thirty seconds of awkward silence.

“I know how to clean, _Levi._ I grew up doing all of the household chores, with my mom.” The woman ignores the familiar ache that blooms in her chest whenever she thinks of her family. They’re all gone now.

“Well, why don’t you clean?” 

“Because it’s too much work.” She shrugs nonchalantly. By now, they have wandered into her kitchen. Mikasa sits on the marble island, her long legs dangling with grace. She wears black shorts and a snug red top that accentuates her chest pleasantly. Levi notices. Her hair is down and unkempt. _Even better,_ he thinks. _Ah, stop it._

His chest lurches with a surge of affection, and it is unexpectedly intense. The man takes a step toward her, his gaze filled with a softness he seldom displays. 

“Why’d you stay home today?” He asks. However, his tone isn’t accusatory or aggressive, like Mikasa would expect. Instead, his voice is _warm_ and _kind._ She feels inclined to tell him the truth.

“I just...couldn’t bring myself to leave my bed today. Until you came, at least.” 

She looks at him with intensity, even if she wants to hide behind the counter and disappear. It is embarrassing, for some reason, to talk about how incapacitating her sadness is. Even if melancholy is inevitable, she cannot help but think of herself as weak for acknowledging her despair. Before the war ended, the woman simply could not afford to process everything she had lost. There was only one way to go—forward. Grief and depression only held her back, or kept her in the same place, and she was far too important of a soldier to succumb to such morose emotions. Plus, there was no time to sit around and sulk, a war was raging. She never really expected to have time to process her grief, she expected to die long before then. In a way, Mikasa depended on dying.

She lived, she lives, and she wishes she did not.

He smiles sadly.

“Well, I’m glad I could be of help then.”

“How did you help me?” She immediately retorts. Being offensively defensive is just instinctual, especially with Levi.

“I got you to get out of bed, idiot.” 

“So? I’m going back to bed now, anyway, so please leave.” _Why is she saying such unpleasant things?_ Truthfully, she enjoys his company, and would rather he stay. But, she is too ashamed to tell him that.

Mikasa begins to get down from the counter, but Levi cages her against it with his arms—which surround her on both sides of her body. The palms of his hands lay flat against the cool surface of the island. Her heart flies up to her throat, and she finds it difficult to utter a single word. The way he looks at her is paralyzing. There is something unrecognizable in Levi’s eyes, in his gaze. 

“I’m not letting you, Mikasa.” He is demanding her, that’s for sure, but it feels different somehow. It’s almost as if...they’re still on equal ground, even if he’s ordering her not to do something. _Why does it feel that way?_

“Why not?” The woman asks before she can stop herself. She stares into his eyes, oddly unabashed. Her gaze beckons him to answer.

“Because I care about you.” He stares straight back with the same intensity.

 _Prove it,_ she wants to say, but the words die out on her tongue. She clears her throat, suddenly hyper aware of their close proximity. His shoulders seem awfully broad from her position, and she feels strangely overpowered. Her cheeks slightly redden.

“Okay, alright, I won’t go back to bed.” Her voice is quiet, and she finally breaks eye contact. Mikasa is very shy, all of a sudden. She coughs, trying to rid the unwelcome thoughts about Levi from her mind. Thoughts of his sleek black hair, which he styles into an attractive undercut. Or his deep, gravelly voice, which has an inexplicable charm to it. Anything sounds nice if Levi says it, Mikasa is certain of that.

“Good. Now,” He pauses suddenly, fishes through the pockets of his shorts, and pulls out a white cravat, “I have some cleaning to do.”

“Oh _god_.”

“I usually wear this around my neck, but it’s too fucking hot to do that right now.” The woman makes a mental note of her ex-captain’s foul mouth; he curses so much, probably because of his rough background. And the fact that no one could possibly stop him from doing what he wants.

“I really don’t remember asking.”

He wraps it around his head, and the white material covers his mouth and nose like a mask. 

_He looks fucking ridiculous,_ Mikasa thinks.

“You look fucking ridiculous.”

Levi’s eyes narrow into sharp slits, which would petrify most, but they have no affect on her. Because he’s wearing a cravat, of course. She can’t take anything he does seriously when he looks so god damn idiotic.

“It’s called a cravat, in case you didn’t know—”

“Oh, I know. And I still think you look fucking ridiculous.” Mikasa wears a tiny smirk, but it’s there, undeniably. Levi, who stands in front of her, scoffs crudely. He crosses his arms and then snarls, but the cravat covers it.

“Tch. Do you want me to clean your house or not?”

“I’d rather you not, to be honest. You’re gonna reorganize everything, and I won’t be able to find a damn thing.” Actually, it would be nice if he could clean up the place. However, Mikasa enjoys teasing Levi more than she initially thought. Therefore, she pushes his buttons, because she feels oddly satisfied when she’s the cause of his frustration. He’s so cute, and teasing him is just _too easy._

“Forget I asked. Go make me tea while I clean this depression-infested shithole.”

“Okay, _first of all,_ I don’t have tea. Now, _second of all,_ don’t order me around like I’m some maid.” It’s easy to forget that they went to Sasha’s grave together and got along so well. That night, even if it was only a few weeks ago, feels much further away.

“Um, if either one of us is a maid, it’s me. And, Jesus Christ, why don’t you have tea?”

“I don’t really have a need for it, that’s why.”

The man wears an incredulous look. His eyebrows knit together in a dramatic fashion, and his arms stay crossed.

“Well, now you do.”

“Don’t tell me…”

“Yup. I’m gonna visit you on a regular basis—”

_“Ugh.”_

“—and we’re going to have tea when I do.”

She wants to complain, and refuse him, but...perhaps, he truly does care for her. Maybe he wants to help, and his way of helping is through cleaning her entire house, or inviting himself over for tea.

Of course, Mikasa cannot undermine the man’s experience with loss and grief. He has lost too many people to count, just like her. If there is one person in the world who’d understand what Mikasa has been through, it’s him. It’s Levi. 

Why does she constantly try to push him away? He is only trying to help. After not having a friend to talk to for five years, Mikasa lost her previous abilities in socializing, which were not very good to begin with. When people tried to reach out to her, all she would want to do was push them away. 

Only incredibly persistent people, like Sasha, got close to the woman’s heart. But Sasha isn’t here anymore, and there is no getting her back. 

Yet, there are other people who care for her with such persistence, it seems. Mikasa does not know what exactly there is to care about, but Levi seems keen on helping her find out.

“Okay, once a week on…”

“Fridays.” He does not hesitate with his response, even if he is shocked with her compliance. 

“Oh come on, don’t eat up my Friday night!”

“I’m sorry, do you have _other_ things to do?”

“Touché.” Mikasa looks away from the man out of embarrassment, expecting him to tease her further. He just wears a warm smile instead.

“You’re cute.” Levi chuckles.

_Huh?_

Mikasa’s instinct is to bite back, like always.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you just said, I think your cravat is muffling your speech.” She expects him to give up then and there, but he grabs the white cloth and pulls it down, his entire face visible once again. 

“You’re cute.” He says again. His gray eyes glint with mischief, but he grins warmly. 

_What the hell? That’s not fair,_ Mikasa thinks, _at all!_

“Thanks.” She responds. Before Levi could tease her further, she makes a mad dash for the door. And then she stops while in the doorway, taken over with the urge to have the last say. The woman turns around and faces him yet again.

“You are too!” She giggles coyly. “Have fun cleaning.” 

The door is shut before he can respond.


	7. Good Things

_ “Mikasa! Mikasa, guess what?” Sasha shouted as she bursted through the door, her voice bellowing through their once quiet room. Mikasa, who immediately groaned in protest when the younger woman set the curtains above her window apart, attempted to shield the light from her eyes by putting a pillow over her head. _

_ “MIKASA! It’s not bad, I promise!” _

_ When there was no answer from Sasha’s exhausted comrade, she ended up shaking the woman until she gave in. Eventually, she did. _

_ “Alright, alright, I’m up! What do you want?” _

_ “I have a special surprise for you!” The brunette’s face lit up, and before the opposing soldier could question her further, she pulled out said surprise. She fished out a bottle of wine from her ridiculously large coat, mischief laced in her pleasant gaze. _

_ “I’m saving this for when we’re back from Marley. It’ll be for just me and you to share!” _

_ The older woman wanted to protest, which was expected. They were to leave for Marley in a few days, which rid all members of the Survey Corps with deadly austerity. Including Mikasa. It was almost guaranteed that the eldest was going to be cynical about the whole idea. Sasha had an entire speech prepared for her rejection, and she was quite confident in her abilities of persuasion. _

_ However, Mikasa chuckled lightly, her voice still raspy from sleep.  _

_ “Sure, okay. That’ll be fun.”  _

_ The look of shock on Sasha’s face did not fail to amuse the other girl. But, after a few seconds, she smiled again, and punched her fist in the air victoriously. _

_ “YAHOO!” _

Mikasa wakes from her sleep with a tired smile. She can’t help but giggle, thinking of her best friend’s adorable demeanor. Slowly, sense returns to her, and the newfound clarity is poignant.

_ Oh. Just a dream.  _ They never did get to have that drink, did they?

Wow, it hurts, more than usual. Her heart aches when she thinks of the way she died. Unsuspecting eyes, life draining from within them each passing second. The blood seeping from the useless bandages wrapped around her torso. The medics stationed by her side, all of their efforts to no avail. None of it mattered, she was going to die anyway. 

Why did something so horrible happen to someone who deserved it the least?

_ If only...Mikasa could have protected her. If only she could have been there, in that room. If only she could have stopped Gabi from killing her best friend.  _

If only.

The woman sighs, then she stretches, and forces herself out of bed.

-

_ Dear Mikasa, _

_ It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’m doing just fine, just so you know. Annie and I are living in a house that nears the sea. I wake up to the lovely smell of the ocean, next to someone I truly love. There are no more Titans to fight, and there is no more war to win. I am no longer the Commander of the Survey Corps, I am simply Armin Arlert. But I cannot say I am happy yet, Mikasa, since it has been almost six years since we’ve seen each other. I think about you everyday. _

_ The climate of where I live is hot all year. I recently cut back on my travels, so I have gotten quite sick of the repetitive warm weather. I’m used to having four distinct seasons. How is it in Shiganshina? Is it like how it used to be? Is it home? Eren misses you terribly, by the way. _

Mikasa freezes at the mention of his name.

_ He visits me when he can, which is often. Some might say too often. _

_ I am writing you this on the fourteenth of September, and I assume this letter will arrive a week or so from today. I’m coming home and staying for the rest of the year. I’m bringing Eren and Annie with me (Historia cannot come, she has queenly duties she must attend to). We will arrive Friday the twenty-sixth, and leave January second. Please do not fret, we have all found a place to stay. I know you must have many questions, like how I managed to track you down, but please remember that I did it with no ill-intent. I just wanted to see my dear friend again. You are someone that I will always cherish, Mikasa. No matter what. _

_ I will tell you everything when I’m there. _

_ We will be visiting you the evening of the date we arrive, some time after eight. I cannot wait to see you, and neither can Eren.  _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Armin _

_ P.S. Do not try to flee before then! If I found you once, I can find you again! _

Mikasa stares down at the letter, which lay flat on the marble surface of her kitchen island. Armin was bound to find her at some point, she realized that long ago. But still, it shocks her, the fact that he really managed to corner her like this. And, much to her chagrin, he’s bringing Eren along. 

She isn’t ready to face either of the two men, but she never will be. What she did, leaving them astray like that for almost six years, it haunts her. Mikasa deems it as a necessary decision for herself, still to this very day. She had to go and see the world for what it was, she had to live a life that wasn’t fueled by the need to win a war. She needed to just  _ be.  _ So she tried—she spent five years chasing after anything that gave her a sense of purpose, and she called it “living for herself”.

And yet, no matter how vital those five nomadic years seem, Mikasa’s heart is  _ still  _ ridden with guilt. Was that truly living for herself? Did she even have the right to live? Everywhere she went, the woman was haunted by the things she had seen. The things she had done. How many people has she killed? What were their names? What did they look like? How many lives did she ruin? How many families did she tear apart? 

She swallows a lump in her throat, but it is to no avail, because she still begins to cry. She holds her head in her hands while she silently sobs. When was the last time she cried?

She doesn’t do so for long, however.

“Mikasa!” Levi calls out as he knocks on the door.

Immediately, the woman lifts her head, hops off the chair she sat on, then she runs to the half-bathroom, grabs a tissue, and wipes her tears. She splashes cold water on her face, hoping it will make the puffiness in her eyes subside a bit.

“Coming!” She shouts, making a mad dash to the front door.  _ How could she be so stupid and forget the time?  _

Levi picks up the woman on his way to work everyday, and has been doing so since late August. Now, it is September twenty-third, a little over a month into this newfound routine, and today is the first time Mikasa finds herself wishing she didn’t have to face him. 

Although she would rather die than admit it, Levi picking her up in the morning has provided the woman with some form of comfort. She enjoys his company.

However, the last thing she wants is for him to see her in a state of weakness.

The door opens with a creak. The moment their eyes meet, the man frowns. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks while he steps inside her house. The door closes behind him.

“Nothing is wrong…?” Mikasa feigns oblivion. He rolls his eyes.

“Don’t play dumb with me,  _ Ackerman _ . It’s obvious you were crying.” He says while following her into the kitchen. He points an accusing finger at her, and juts his chin out. 

With a defeated huff, she picks up the letter from off the counter and hands it to Levi.

“Here.” She does not look him in the eye. He picks up on that.

He reads the letter intently, his expression changing with each new line he takes in. When the man is finished, he wears a frightening scowl.

“So...Eren is visiting?” 

“That’s what you’re worried about?” She scoffs.

“Well, I’m worried about you. You haven’t seen your two best friends in several years, and you were in love with one of them—”

“Okay, okay, forget I asked.” She interrupts him out of pure instinct. For some reason, she does not want Levi thinking about her being in love with another man, especially not Eren. Nor does she want to explore the idea of her unrequited love for him being that obvious to third parties.

“Well, I guess they’ll just join us for our Friday tea.” 

“No,” Her response is immediate, curt, and final, “we’ll just cancel this week’s tea, alright? There is always next week.”

“No, not alright. I will see them as well.”

“Yes, feel free to see them whenever I’m not there. This week’s tea is canceled.”

She is about to walk away, but the man reaches out, grabs her wrist, and stares her down. His jaw is clenched, and his gray eyes harden with determination. He yearns to tell her the truth.

“I haven’t seen them in six years either, Mikasa. I…,” He pauses and breaks eye contact, and Mikasa swears she can see the faintest shade of pink bloom across his cheeks, “…I would rather not face them alone. It’d be nice if…you were by my side.”

Nothing could have prepared Mikasa for that. _Nothing._ That is the man who trained her to be a soldier, a killer, the man who taught her how to fight for her life and the lives of others, and yet there he is, pouring his heart out to her, in the most flattering way possible. She breaks out into an intense blush. She is undeniably honored, that is for sure. The woman takes pride in being the person that Levi is this transparent with. In spite of that, Mikasa still tries to pull her wrist away from Levi’s hold, in a futile attempt to flee from the warmth that bubbles in her heart, and she hopelessly distracts herself from the jolts of electricity she feels where Levi’s skin is against her own. He does not let go, in fact, he holds on tighter. After a few seconds, their eyes meet again. “Is that okay?” The man asks. Mikasa feels naked under his gaze. It seems as if, somehow, he can see right through her, no matter how convincing her facade is.

“It is okay.” She answers softly. The corners of her lips almost unnoticeably turn north. He lets go of her wrist and smiles kindly.

“Let’s go to work then.”

-

Friday comes sooner than Mikasa expects. She wakes from a dreamless sleep, seldom as they come, and then realization dawns upon her like a snake snapping at its prey.  _ It’s Friday. _

_ I’m going to see Eren and Armin today. _

She shivers. The woman wasn’t sure if this day would come, but it did, so now she must deal with it. Head on. Mikasa will not run away again.

She stretches, plants her feet on the clean floor—which is thanks to Levi—and quickly stands up, before she can convince herself to hide under the covers and cower.

For some reason, knowing that she’ll be with Levi brings her great comfort. At least they’ll be facing something so nauseating…together. When he is by her side, things become just a  _ bit  _ more bearable.

-

The work day passes by as it always does—slowly, and filled with intense bickering between Isaac and Levi. For some reason, these days, their bickering is much more hushed than before. It is almost like one of them has something to hide.

Mikasa stares at the two men, who stand across from each other, in familiarly hostile positions. She mindlessly sweeps the wooden floors, eyes trained on an obviously flustered Levi. He looks very…defensive. That’s not atypical, at least not when it comes to his interactions with Isaac. His arms are crossed and he wears a scowl. Kind of like…a defiant little kid.

They whisper at one another violently, blissfully unaware of the woman’s hawk-like view. She further analyzes the situation, and soon she recognizes the expression Isaac wears as cheekiness. Like always, the older fellow mercilessly teases his junior, since it is undeniably entertaining, and there is not much else to do.

The day winds down. Mikasa is thankful that the amount of customers starts to thin. Oddly enough, the woman thought so much about her future endeavors with Eren and Armin, she developed an insatiable eagerness to see them. They are the reason she fought in such a devastating war. Her unyielding love for the two of them, it made her follow the pair to the ends of the Earth. It gave her the ability to destroy, to be a monster. And yet, she continued to fight, to cherish them, to be in love with Eren, even when she couldn’t bear to look at herself in the mirror. Because, annoyingly enough, she would rather have ruined herself than lose them.

Things are…quite different now. And, well, that’s a good thing.

-

Levi and Mikasa walk home in a nervous silence. They’re deadly scared of what has the possibility of happening. And, with all of them, the possibilities are endless. Perhaps, her old friends will hide behind the bushes in her front yard, and attempt to scare her. And— _ oh no _ — what if they already obtained a copy of her house key? Or, even worse, what if they pick the lock, or just simply break in! 

Without even realizing it, the woman drastically picks up her pace. She is full on speed-walking to her house, with an amused Levi in tow. His hands are stuffed in the pockets of his denim jeans, and he cannot fight the smile that breaks out on his face, Mikasa just looks too cute when she’s worried like that. All the fear and apprehension he once felt pleasantly fades away.  _ Wow,  _ Levi thinks,  _ she’s got this weird fuckin’ healing effect on me. _ He doesn’t particularly dislike it… 

His face heats up.

She wears a tight, long-sleeved sweater, its white color complimentary to her fair skin, with a sun hat atop her head and black stockings adorning her long legs. His gaze is unmistakably loving, Levi just adores her so damn much. How could you not? She’s beautiful.

The sun begins to set, much earlier than the warm and breezy evenings of August. Mikasa misses summer already, and the longer days that came with it, but she is currently preoccupied with getting home as quickly as possible.  _ What if they already burned her house to the ground? _

“Mikasa,” Levi calls out, “slow down. You’re completely ignoring your surroundings.”

That piqued her interest. In an instant, she digs her heels into the pavement, halting her rapid pace, pivots, and faces the older man.

“What do you mean by that?” 

Levi chuckles and takes another step toward her.

“Look at the sky.” 

Mikasa obliges, tearing her gaze from Levi and to the magnificent sky. It stuns her. They’re simply walking down the cobblestone roads that lead to Mikasa’s house—it’s their usual route home—but something about the sky is just…extraordinary. Hues of orange, yellow, and pink blend together, painting the sky behind the fading sun. The sun itself, with its dwindling rays, disappearing slightly each second, Mikasa makes sure to soak in the beautiful image. The woman looks all around, at the small bridge up ahead, where people can walk and throw bread crumbs in the water for the ducks. She commits everything to memory, the lovely sunset and Levi, who is now standing next to her, his hands  _ still  _ in his pockets. He looks up at the sky with an adorably lazy posture, the look in his grey eyes warm like the smell of her childhood home.

He reminds her of home.

For some odd reason, all Mikasa wants to do is close the distance between her and Levi. She wants to hold his hand and embrace him, the urge is so great that it’s painful. Yet, something crawls up the columns of her spine, all the way to her brain, tantalizing her. The fear of loving and being loved, it is no docile force. 

Mikasa does not hold his hand, even though she cannot remember the last time she yearned to do something so much. 

“Let’s get going,” Levi begins, “they’re probably waiting for us.” He reaches for her hand and holds it gently. And then he starts running, and she does too, her hand in his. For just a little while, everything is alright. For just a little while, she is happy, and okay, and at home.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyy guys!! sorry for the long wait ): but we get to see some new ppl in the next chapter!!!! as always, comments and honest feedback are appreciated. i love you all, thank you for the support. it is truly so lovely to have, and it really makes my day seeing such nice comments. i hope you're all doing well!


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